The Winter Edition
(from an ex-pat’s perspective..aka if you’re poor)
Normally, I'd say the first thing to do here is go see all the laneway artwork, but it's too bloody cold out there for that right meow. But just for reference, super cool graphic art everywhere for $Free.99.
2. Go on a 'Shtini* crawl
Drink espresso martinis until you can't actually call them by their full name anymore. No one wants to keep saying "espresso martini", and not many can say it accurately after having a few anyway. Hence was born the 'shtini.
Meaning if you go into a bar and say, "I'll have a 'shtini", no one will know what the hell you are talking about, and 99% will immediately assume you're already slurring your words (unless you know the bartenders because you live nearby, crave a 'shtini every now and again, and have told them about your brilliant invention).
Make sure to do this during Happy Hour (otherwise they're $20 each)
As an avid 'shtini crawler I can recommend the following, depending on your day of crawl (*these are super biased as they're all either within, or close to, my neighborhood):
- Morris Jones - Every damn day.
- The Smith - Wednesdays
- Public House - Thursdays
- The Emerson- Thursdays (5 variations of 'shtinis offered)
- Katuk - Friyay
- Temperance Hotel- Saturdays
3. Drink the coffee
Each cup is a magical, life-changing experience. Save your money for this- it’s worth it.
4. Go to an Australian Rules Football game
Understand it is different from Rugby.
If nothing else, go for the really, really, ridiculously fit men. And their man buns (Dad, this is a hair thing).
5. Find all the secret bars
It's like playing a hipster version of hide n seek.
I can't give away recommendations here...because that would be cheating.
There's also puzzle bars. Yes, giant rooms of puzzles you have to figure out in order to advance to the actual bar. I'm going next week. #nerdsunite
6. Ride the trams
Because for most of this season, it's too bloody frigid to walk.
- Don’t compare them to the NYC Subway, they're cleaner
- Don't compare them to the DC metro, they’re actually reliable
7. Eat brekkie at all times of the day
a. Poached eggs
b. Beetroot smoked salmon
c. Avo Smash
d. All of the above
Washed down with a fresh 'ry. (Because I once told my roommates I wanted a "bloody" and they got grossed out).
9. Go to the Yarra Valley (& Healesville Zoo)
10. Eat at Attica
Attica has been voted (for two years in a row) as one of the 50 Best Restaurants in the World. If you've ever seen the Chef's Table series on Netflix, there's an entire episode on Attica and head chef Ben Shewry. If you haven't, watch it.
- I haven’t done this yet (see #8)
"Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty hearts and empty heads can do that."
- Norman Vincent Peale
NOW GO EXPLORE MY SLIM-POCKETED GYPSY FRIENDS!!!